I feel quite giddy today, well right now as i type. It’s been a long long while since i felt this way. I’m usually thankful but i especially feel thankful today. Nothing big happened, i didn’t get a new job or anything, but its something in me that I feel so pleased and proud for. It’s a little accomplishment that may not seem that much to others but its huge for me.
I lost my job end of Aug, beginning of Sept, since then I’ve been freelancing and it’s been my first real dive into freelance, ever. I didn’t know how much i could ask of someone, i didn’t know my worth. Even if I’ve been told by friends my worth as an artist is a great deal.. I didn’t feel it. I kept selling myself short in the first couple gigs that it left me drained that I allowed myself to work for a measley $5 an hour. (I was obviously getting ripped off and taken advantage of) With more time and more experience I learned more and more. I didn’t want to be arrogant in the process that I’m badass or anything, bc I don’t really think I am. Today was the day I realized.. I’ve evolved in a good way. I have seen now how losing my job, diving into freelancing forced me to evolve. I met with a new client this week and they found me online when usually I’m the one hustling for gigs. I met up with them today for the 2nd meeting showing them concept sketches for an app they are creating. As I was talking and presenting.. the little kid in me was thinking “holy shit.. is this me? Am I really “presenting” and sounding all professional and shiet? Where did this come from?” Keep in mind I’ve been a hermit working at home since Sept. I haven’t had “coworkers” to mingle with as I was used to. I was talking to my new clients so confidently and strongly I guess it shocked me. I was confident about my work, confident that I’ll make them happy, and shit, i was happy i knew what the hell I was doing, whereas before I b-s’ed and found it troubling to get things together. Even better, these people were willing to pay me my worth, maybe more if I had asked but I didn’t want to be greedy or arrogant.
I’m still trying to find myself and trying to figure out what i REALLY want to do. I have a small idea but I have some work to do to get there. But today was a little victory I wanted to share, so I can go back and read this and always keep myself grounded.
Thank God for this day. Now things make sense a little more, God’s always had my back Allahamdullilah.